Rangers are keeping the series alive, improbably. Fortunately, no overtime means I've got sufficient time to settle in with another new movie!
(By new, of course, I mean new to me. I know you've all seen everything ever, shut up.)
Raiders of the Lost Ark. Sounds like an adventure movie if ever there was one. You've got adventurers (Raiders) and a dungeon setting (Noah's Ark) with some supernatural elements involved (God loses things for a reason, you know). I have no idea what significance the Ark will play since two of every animal seems like kind of a poor motivation to go raiding. What else was the Ark notable for?
This is all speculation, of course, but I can't see them picking the word "ark" to use and having it not be significant to people's awareness beforehand. I'm pretty damn sure it's going to be an adventure film that's high on the D&D, since so far everything has had at least some element of that.
So in summary, these are my expectations: adventurers, D&D type stuff, Noah's Ark was carrying letters of transit from God or something, God wants them back, someone else wants them too, has decided that God's got time for their shit. Since His involvement has a tendency to make stories quick and dull, He's going to make other people do it for him.
Now then. Let's raid some lost Ark! :D
PAused! Guys guys this is Steven Spielberg! :D You've all been talking about him! Changing the tag on the post, sec
Right. First use of the Steven Spielberg label. Stoked now. :D
I spy with my little eye something that is an adventure party :D
Guys this looks awesome!
Gals too. Let's be fair to everyone here
The music already reminds me of Star Wars. So sold.
They';re being hunted by someone with poison darts.
1936. My kind of eyar :D
a map in multipel pieces guys htis is like the best hits of D&D campaign already so very sold
NO TIME FOR YOUR SHIT
I've seen that guy ebfore
HEY GUYS STHATS HAN! :D OH MY GOD THIS IS ALREADY LIKE THE BEST THING
well that's no good
WELL THEN THAT'S REALLY NO GOOD
I mean look I'm fine with spiders but that was a LOT of spiders
oooh traps? :D
oh shut up
badass. guy's liek that other character.
guy come on it's a dungeon. All the traps.
Yesssss floor trap :D
I was expecting a pit
this is an amazing set
they made all this I mean it's so cool you guys
a golden treasure but what's with the oh wait
MOTHERFUCK he's got Reflex saves the music is SO star wars
DON'T GIVE HIM THE THING
NO HE WON'T
he doesn't look like Han from all the angles no wonder I didn't recognize him
well that took no time. good job, dumbass
HAHAHHAHA I made a pun
guys this is already sthe best thing why is this new to me
Well hello tribe of murderers
you sir are just a butthole
seriously that's the cockiest introduction I've ever seen
"Hovitos?" sounds like Spanish for eggs
maniacal laugh, golden idol from a doom temple... we've got villain alert guys
they're terrible shots
it's so very Star Wars. the music
swing anbd a miss
This is a great heroic theme :D
right so I'm already COMPLETYELY solSNAKE ON THE PLANE????
and now he's a teacher. we call that a career step down. with apologies to my teachers :D
wait her eyelings say Love mom?
Skipping back a sec to check that
Love you WELL THAT'S EXTREMELY NOT APPROPRIATE nice going Han.
I don't even know his name yet
I'm sure that's not true, Marcus.
So the badguy is Bullock or Bellock
Dr. Jones. The occult, eh?
INDIANA JONES good lord I'm a dumbass the whip
man don't interrupt that's rude
this is true, actually. Sort of. If I'm remembering history class right it was Himmler who was obsessed with the Grail and other legends
OHO WE'RE GOING TO EGYPT
who parks a boat in Cairo. That's not helpful.
the what now
well then, I'm now lost. I don't think I've ever heard of WELL THEN ANY OF THIS. this is legit yes?
Oh that God, so wrathful
guys this is Nazis and legendary treasures and we're going hunting for Ravenwood aren't we :D
AND A LOST STAFF FIRST oh this is a D&D game gone WWII who has kept all of this wonder from me you all know who you are and I will revenge
A BOX FULL OF THE POWER OF GOD. Maybe don't let Hitler have AND IT MAKES ARMIES INVINCIBLE well yeah don't let him have that then
just saying, the Ark of the Noah would have come close
Abner is a really old sounding name, just saying oh well now ther'e s a she
Thank you, the music, for telling me there's a girl and a BOX FULL O' GOD
So what he just plays the same guy in every movie? Because I WOULD BE VERY OKAY WITH THIS :D
Dapper chap, isn't he? Love the hat
hello glasses aren't you a badguy then
Man, back when air travel was civilized
That's a thing I would love to experience.
This reminds me of Casablancsa's intro
Nepal! LEt's go scale Everest :D
so he looms large as a shadow in her life, eh? thanks for the obvious
WELL HELLO THEN
Dplomacy ranks could use work, Indiana.
And we have a new party member with bad history
"worthless" to "3000" in ten seconds flat
I'll pay you more money at the end. Are we going to Alderaan?
I love the sound of wind filled with snow
family keepsake much?
WELL HI THERE
man you're a frog in a hat
AND VERY CREEPY GO AWAY
thought she left it in plain sight
oh that took no time to get awful
man I hate this guy HELLO JONES
you took his HAT?? WHAT KIND OF HELP ARE YOU
solves yoru fire problem
HAHAHAHA have a drink
nice they could agree on something
OH OW FUCK NO THAT'S OH OWW
hell of a way to recruit, Indiana.
love the trumpet and strings :D
this is just a glossy romantic well now it's Egyptian
guys the music is faster than me
who's this guy HELLO A MONKEY :D
oh the flirting
Salla? Oh so the Nazis are already here
Bellock's here with the Nazis. I suppose that had to hapWELL OF SOULS. SO D&D IT'S AWESOME
"our baby" HAHAHAHAHA loving the banter. fond of the moneky now are we?
subtext with fruit. fun
guys there's a Nazi monkey.
"the most gifted bum" oh the jokes
these guys are just a comedy of errors and the music's weirdly impish
you guys just suck
HAHAHHAHAH HE WHIPPED THE CART AWAY
WHAT IS WITH HIS MOUTH
"this is the best plan" said nobody ever
oh fuck you monkey
oh this guy looks badass
HAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHH OH WELL THEN. CHAOTIC. NEUTRAL. LOVE IT
"SWORD" "gun" "awwww well"
I suppose that's one way to search
or you could follow the ONE THAT SCREAMS
NOPE LET'S NOT
guys did they just blow up the girl
oh go fall in a hole and die, monkey. It's all your fault anyway\
you know what I like? subtitles.
Well if it isn't Smug Asshole.
right because it stopped him last time
he's got like a bong or something
HAHAHA TOLD, Bellock
"I'm your shadow reflection" that seems not completely invalid
oh that's interesting
that would be even more interesting than a HAHAHA you're a badasswhat
all the guns what the hell
Nice pull, Salla
AGAIN with the Nazi monkey "uh oh"
man don't put hot sauce on that, people want to eat that
oh oh the guy;s hand! :D
when it burned!
Well of Souls I still love it guys this movie is great
do treasures ever have maps that say Please Come Get Me I'm Up For Grabs
THEY GOT IT WRONG :D
oho. take that, monkey
whoops I dropped that. That too. And him. I'm so clumsy. Don't mind me.
The music is so ... gravitas and eerieness
well that's bad.
why would all that dust be there, Bellock should have swept it off already
he's not very good at his job. now I see why he just steals from Indiana Joness
Nothing's happening but it';s still SO TENSE I AM SO SOLD GUYS L:D
HAHAHHAA well you don't usually see that at the end of a rope
I just laughed at the Nazi flag.
I'm a bad person
OH HEY :D
yes you do?
oh come on man chaotic neutral at a time like this?
that was gag-ese for YOU';RE A DICK
That's German for "turtured"
OH NOT YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF
oh what just in plain sight like that? your plan is bad
Oh look, Gozer's coming to visit
"quick, before the marshmallow comes"
man he looks insane
oh hey Zuul
OH WHAT I DO NOT LIKE THAT QUESTION
I DO NOT LIKE THAT ANSWER
"why is it snakes" HAHAHA
you know if he wasn't working with Nazis I'd consider it a moral horse-race between Jones and Bellock right now.
that was an odd decision
AND SNEAKY :D
oh no no no I would not do that nooooo
HOLY SHIT NO
man shut up you don't even know
"that's not my name anymore, I don't know who he's talking to"
is he pouring gas on snakes THAT'S HOW YOU MAKE FIRE SNAKES MAN DON'T EVEN
she's gonna pull the drink thing again isn't she :D
if Salla betrays him I'm gonna be bitterly unsurprised. Know which characters the DM runs, Indiana.
no idea which one's playing which. both?
YOU'RE JUST THE WORST
SO DAMN CREEPY
fire snakes a-coming
oh COME ON
that's just horrifying
man you're a disease.
OH GOD IN THE SHOE GROSS
.seee Bellock? Don't make deals with the devil, he's got more guns
NOT THE TIME MAYBE GUYS
HOLY MOTHER NO COME ON
OH FRUCK WHY COME ON DON'T DO THAT there is just no exuse for the screaming nosie
so there was an easy way in is what you';re telling me. always a back door.
The music is so Star Wars I can taste it
hey look it's Nazi Fezig
HAHAHHAHAA DICK KICK
okay he's nowhere near as big as HAHAHA AWESOME
Go Marian! It's your party now
oh that won't be good
oh is it going to YES YES IT DID.
LOVE IT LOVE THE THEME LOVE THE EVERYTHING
where are we heading next? so excited
NO TIME FOR YOUR SHIT
Sorry I haven't been commenting but this is just so great I have nothing else to say :D
guys get the message you WILL get rammed by a truck
now it's just them and Indy. And Spiderman
OH GOD THAT would just be the wost thing
how does the music manage to be this kickass?
Guy you're a dick
That was a burn I think
you wacky old fart
oh something's about to get going on isn'tg it
this is a novel game
don't even try it though
not what I was thinking of man I've got a filthy mind
Way to go, Jones. You sure know how to impress the Zzzzzz...
annnd we have a crazy rat
WHAT THE FUCK
would you stop leaving her behind
Where's Waldo :D
it's like an outdickery competition
cRAZY BADASS I LOVE IT
HAHAHA THE SALUTE
I think that's Greece.
get a fatter guy next time Jones
couldn't resist, could you
Oh this is going to be awesome I am so excited for this :D
either that or a flop but I feel like it's the other kind of movie and I'm comfortable with that bet at this point :D
I LOVE that spooky theme
WHAT THE FHAHAHAHHAAH YESSSSSSSSSS
look at that smile
oh come on don't listen to him he's a rectum and everything he says is flatulence. HE WILL SHOOT YOU
you're gonna do it again you moron
every flipping time
It occurs to me that the God of the Hebrews might not like you radio'ing him with Nazi pennants everywhere
HERE WE GO :D
what's it going to be ??? SO EXCITED YOU GUYS
TELL THEM OFF, GOD
it's the other kind of movie. well ffffffuck.
I'm with you, creepy gywait what the
HOLY BALLS WHAT'S GOING ON
you shut off the grid you morons
OH WHAT NO NO NO
WHAT THE HELL
AND THE LORD DID SAY HE HATH NO TIME FOR YOUR SHIT
that was better than I could have imagined holy balls you guys
just shaking from that his HEAD MELTED
you're going to look into it again?: bad plan
right yess you're the government you've got top men.
...okay so I need to know what's in every single one of thos boxes like right now
holy smokes that's
ADVENTUROUS THEME AGAIN :D
I've got to say, that was just solid gold. The music's incredible, the film's just so fast and it's all freaking awesome. I'm so glad I didn't wait.
Second thoughts after I rest on that. Goodnight all! :D