Monday, June 16, 2014

Star Trek: S1E1 The Man Trap first impressions

Without further ado, I give you Star Trek. A really old television series. Roomie tells me they remastered these episodes and updated a few of the space shots. I'm going to try to give this series a fair shake; wish me luck!

No preamble, going right in.

Mr. Spock. I've heard that name.

Captain's log, too.

We have okay we're beaming! So they can teleport.

This is Captain Kirk.

Heh, HAHA okay the banter's good

The uniforms ar really boring though

colored shirt, logo, I think maybe the wrists are rank markings? he's got three stripes, the doctor has two

That's the lady? Not sold.

He looks... cranky.

wait what

wait WHAT

I have no guesses here

"pleasure planet?" I'm gonna let it slide

hehehehe I do like the Captain he\s got this I don't know

Darnell NO SERIOUSLY WHAT

Darnell, don't get yourself in trouble with the... illusion?

We have main titles, I think

SPACE

THE FINAL FRONTIER

ENTERPRISE

I remember that name

TO BOLDLY GO WHERE NO MAN HAS GONE BEFORE

there'\s something old-fashioned and yet

romantic

about that music.

the in-show music is pretty sparse, but I think that's sort of the point?

yes Kirk I got that. Allo Crater. Been to the Moon lately?

and Crater's a complete rectum. duly noted

I'm with you sir. No seriously Crater, what the hell

yup, rank mark. gold braid

man no you're just a dick

I understand you're a sexist rectum.

I SEEM TO HAVE FORGOTTEN MY MANNERS?

you know something, dick.

Leonard McCoy. Allo Doc. What's up?

WHY is there screaming

oh right that's not suspicious he looks pretty sick

Jim Kirk. Allo Captain.

the professor's a total dick

you murdered him somehow...

the gray hair he can see it now

heh, I ust realized. blueshirt. hehehe

Hello miss. Ahura?

She seems new to the ship. Is she new? She's cute

So she's pleasant, he's cold and pointy ears! Alien?

Alien. Planet Vulcan.

TOLD.

Man's like a robot.

stone. cold.

did that just whistle like a ship?

look at this ship, it's all gray and sterile.

innnteresting

now the question is WILL he?

Mind in the game, Doc.

The ship is weird-looking. It's like a frisbee with rockets.

tell him I have no time for his shit

what's in hs ear?

that is one hell of a severe bangs cut

weird. so WAIT THEY WANT SALT

"Bones?"

man don't moon people

one might think that you should shut the hell up

man that's Kirk he has no time for your shit

your complaint is stupid, sir

it's her, whatever it is

A BELLYACHE? don't undermine yourself, Kirk, you were busy being in charege of things

can, will, suck it.

CELL PHONE

is this like the first original apparance of the cell phone idea? that would be really cool

"YOU" it's a creature and it KILLED MORE PEOPLE of course it did

one yelllow shirt and another blue shirt. Hehehe.

"been feeling sort of chartreuse today, actually."

space octopus?

TOLD. Stop thinking with your glands

so is the bottom part like the engine, maybe? the top has a lot of windows...


do the shirt colors mean something?

what's with the handle?

Hey there, big hair

weird behavior, eating off a tray while walking around in hallways

hehe the ship makes great cheesy noises

told.

YO, MAN!

is it just me or do people in the older decades LOOK different?

May the great bird of whatnow?

He's an alien too? that's an alien plant, obviously

that meal looks just awful

the plant that's not a Swiffer glove at all seems to not like Green

He's gonna go after the new girl

my god those skirts are short. is that seriously uniform?

it's PSYCHIC

that's you, miss. OH HERE WE GO

Hey Doc. The doctor's going to be a victim by the end of the episode, isn';t he. Thye need the fake one somehow, after all

still don't get how he'll be fake, but who knows

you all know. shut up.

HAHAHAH that suit looks ridiculous I'm sorry I'm being unfair

he's seriously got a cute blonde just to carry his meal tray? that's ridicuOHJ HERE WE GO

"you also like salty foods and I'm all into that"

I'll be sorry to see McCoy gone, I like him

reminds me a bit of my grandfather. in the eyes

well that's not creepy at all. you're getting a face rub from a salt munching alien

here it comes

alriight then

so now it's a doctor. that can't be too hard to fake being.

aha, that adds to the concept. like the gaze of a vampire

we're gonna call it a salt vampire

how many people have that as their text messaging sound I wonder

yyyup.

three dead already. this bodes well for the show

seriously what's with the short skirts

red shirts are for security, maybe?

still not sure about the otherHOLY OKAY THEN stop lasering

so he's like a wacky space hermit?

phaser instead of blaster or laser. k

WHY YES I AM A DOCTOR, YOU WOULD LIKE TYLENOL FOR THAT

so Sulu and Ahura are part of the top crew then. that's cool. I get that they're diversity casting but for the time that was actually a big deal in the positive way

POW.

salt buffalo?

yes the past tense, who's surprised

wait it killed her and replaced her?

space hermit's nuts.

"whatever. space hermit morality"

this is the flavor of chaotic neutral people don't get: "rules don't matter and shouldn't"

I WOULD LIKE TO GO CHECK THE BAIT. WITH MY MOUTH AND STOMACH

HAHAHHAA "we gould just give it what it wants and that would be very nice. I would certainly appreciate it. Since I am McCoy and not a salt buffalo vampire"

seriously? Spock you seem detached from caring about things, how are you not picking up on that suspiciousness

was gonna say, there's nothing noble about him

I'\m guessing no

the word is "won't"

still fascinated by the ship design. not sure that's a plus or minus...

YOU DON'T SAY

oh right you're an alien, it wouldn't go after you

tsk. it killed its only ally

Nobody but him.

"and make him leave the salt. I need it for sentimental reasons"

HAHAHA WHAT IS WITH THAT FACE

so Spock would punch a.,... fake woman

WHAT THE GOOD BALLS IS THAT

space octopus. Called it

octopus... yeti.... hag... thing

don't do anything stupid


so I think the engine's on the bottom and then in the back, up top, it's like weapon turrets maybe

glad McCoy is sticking with us. I want an explanation for Bones

...and that's a wrap! Alright then, that went better than I expected. Second thoughts tomorrow with Jurassic Park, and the results of the vote. :D

7 comments:

  1. Bones is short for Sawbones - old naval slang for ship's surgeon IIRC.

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    Replies
    1. Aha! ...I kind of want to go around just calling doctors that now. Is that wrong? That's probably wrong.

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  2. "Uhura."

    The Salt Vampire scared the hell out of me when I was a kid. I had to sleep with the lights on for like a month the first time I saw this episode, and that was when I was like 11.

    (maybe a spoiler?) McCoy's sticking around, the "fake" doctor is from one of the later spinoff shows.

    Told you it wasn't so bad.

    But I still think you're going about this in an inefficient way.

    No, the two big turret things are the engines. Well, sort of. The engine itself is in the big part at the bottom, those are like... if it were a submarine they would be the propellers, basically.

    The ladies' uniform is part of that same "this was totally progressive back then" thing. Ownership of their own sexuality and all. You get the idea.

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  3. Ah, mini skirts, the progressive outfit for ladies in the freeloving 60s....

    BTW, about Sulu, you should lok out for the actor, George Takei on the web. He is a seriously funny guy.

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  4. Does your dvd set contain the original teaser trailers for each episode?
    You should check them out to see some of the original special effects (and appreciate the quality of the new ones)
    They only improve the image quality but don't add any silly digital lizards. I think it's only the landing shuttles that get a bit more dynamic.

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  5. And yes, the communicators inspired modern flip phones. There is a LOT of modern tech that is directly inspired by Star Trek. The kids who watched it in the '60s became engineers and said "It would be AWESOME to make that stuff real."

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    Replies
    1. Now see, that's some exciting context. :D

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