One of my lovely readers made a donation of a most unusual kind: a "god-burrito." So I'll be seeing that for dinner today and it should be quite the thing. If it's half as godly as the rumor suggests, I'll be a pretty happy fella.
Folks, I just watched another Usual Suspects and I'm feeling the need for simple. Something to relax the ol' brain. Besides the codeine, I mean. Hopefully this film will be... dare I say... Excellent? :D
As everyone has come to expect from me, I don't know this movie. Actually neither does Roomie, but he's out today so he said he'll watch it on another occasion. I'm kind of surprised, honestly, it's always seemed to me like Roomie knows every movie. Anyway, it's preset for me and I'm up and ready to go. Let's get to the movie. :D
Oh hey, the Terminator stars are back.
Synth music. Alright. Oh hey it's a song EXCELLENT adventure I understand what's with the starbrst
There's a screensacer coming out of it
Looks like a wacky tiled clock
Hello. The future, eh? Thank you.
Bowling averages up, eh? Did the Dude move there?
Wyld Stallyns? THESE are the great ones? Hello Bill Esquire
Hello Ted Theodore Logan. Daffy nme you got there
You're wild something alriught
Oh look, they bought Doc Brown brand amps
1988. Thank you.
There is nothing excellent abot that circular logic of yours, boys, but okay then
Also they can make electric guitar riffs out of thin air. I would take that superpower
Well he was
Mastered that skill, haven't you Ted
NOAH';S WIFE. LOVE IT. I HAVE FOUND THE BRAIN TRANSPLANT VOLUNTEERS
Takes a special skil to know that "guys" means "specifically you two morons"
That guy looks like Rocky's blonde kid
SOCRATIC METHOD. Great leader. Powerful Jedi was he.
Homeworked. Excellence in adventuring will need to wait.
MOST HEINOUSLY INDEED
That's a MOM? You know there's a term for this, yes? Because I know there's a term for this and so does my inner twelve-year old
That guy's got the most vacant expression in the history of always. Your dad is a rectum, Ted
Why would you send your kid off to Alaska. That's a dick move
Hello 80s version of cool type people HELLO SPECIAL EFFECTS.
A phone box. Oh for fuck's sake who uses a phone box to travel in time
Fine, it's got a door and you can punch in numbers, but come on, CAR. FLUX TRANSISTOR. LOTS AND LOTS OF MILES PER HOUR
You do realize you've got a theme song, Missy WELL IT IS GOING SUPERIOR FOR YOU, BEARDY, YOU'RE MARRIED TO THAT
IN HIS ROOM?
MARCO POLO. MORE THAN A WATER SPORT. Learning.
So this is their brilliant plan. Poll random passers by until GOZER APPEARS
NOT BAD indeed.
Esquire. What doe s that even mean? HE IS HERE TO HELP WITH THEIR HOMEWORK
THEY ARE INDEED AFOOT. AT THE CIRCLE Kthose guys have already gone back in time
I finally understand what Int as a dump stat looks like
How did they even OH. OH. Right.
Well then. I'm officially sold. If nothing else it'll be funny as shit and I'm on baord with that :D
Bodacious. These are words?
THE NODS ARE JUST THE FACE OF STUPID
This is a far out visual and I'm in much favor of it
Oh fuck am I talking like them THEY HAVE SUBSTANTIAL VOCABULARIES FOR BEING VCOMPLETE MORONS
I see a short, not-dead dude
Did they just kidnap Napoleon through time of course they did
That's tremendously unfair. Marty McFly was allowed to go back to the past future.
MOST UNUSUAL. Oh look it's raining French military commanders
They really are going to go out and collect historical YEP.
On board with this.
Still loving that superpower.
Captain Rectum Dad has his own hat
Oh right it's also a phone boxI'M NEW DUDE. SIR.
Loving the music in the background. It's just what you'd want for a movie like this
That's the inside of an umbrella
Old Westrian? IT's not another planet
My grandfather still greets people with "howdy." It's charming HE DID NOT EVEN CARD US. LET US REMEMBER THIS PLACE. I suspect the new management will be less generous, boys
No that's Billy the Violent Adult
Mr. the Kid. Of course. Wait so what were they supposed to get out fo the deal
Well that went very well indeed. Good job Billy the Idiot.
We're just gonna sit here, hang out, everything's excellent.
That's using their heads
THAT'S NOT EVEN A THING YET is it?
No it's not IS THIS MOVIE MAKING ME DUMBER
Does it count as their report if other people do it because that's what they're scheming aren't they
Trouble is there's no way Socrates speaks english
HAHAHAHHAA it's under So Crates
You boys are indeed very truly wise
Oh it's on now. I don't know what it is.
I doubt real Socrates was ever that happy about anything.
I'm just grinning like a fool now WELL THAT MAKES IT EASY DOESN'T IT.
That means they were historically married HE'S the ladies man? And they decided on this method
AC 20. Bad puns do not deserve the air riff, boys
Wait are they doinTHEY'RE DOING STAR WARS OH MY GOD I GET IT :D
Well done Bill. Always thinking with your
I can't even finish that sentence
That strikes me as unfortunate. It struck him much more severely of course
Bogus AND heinous. MOST nontriumphant. Well observed, William.
YOU MEDIEVAL DICKWEED hahahahaha :D
MY name is Bill Montoya. You killed my friend. Prepare to get bogused.
That makes no sense DID THEY JUST CALL EACH OTHER FAGS that's exceedingly backward.
There's an echo in here.
Right yes the bedroom that won't upset anyone
Hey look, I found some horrible old ROYAL UGLY DUDES love it
he just duke ted why he could have the difference between Int 4 and Int 3 is marked thusly EXECUTE THEM. Why was the iron maiden excellent, though
YOU DON'T SAY.
what OH RIGHT THEY HAVE ALLIES WE HAVE A PARTY
Who else are they supposed to collect, anyway?
AWAY, SHEEP. SO CRATES COMMANDS IT
Can you imagine LOSING your time traveling phone box somewhere? That would suck. Say what you will about Marty, he never lost his car PARTY ON DUDE indeed.
Will that disrupt the whatchayes.
It IS them. How did you know PHFHHAHAA "who are we?"
There's something overwrought and yet so ... fucking APPEALING to this music. :D
They're founding future religion, aren't they
Suddenly Sta r Trek's future looks far more reasonave by comparison and THEY have submarine boat whistle tsignals and use data tapes for things
FUCK YOU, THIS IS NAPOLEON'S ICE CREAM
He miiiiight murder all of you for that
TIME IS A ROLLER COASTER
They did Austria already. Why are we back
FROOD. Yessss let us have the psychology
Yeah they just lasso'd themselves a Freud. I love how Billy the Kid's just straight uo complict in this and this is beautiful music I always had a soft spot for Classical. Who wrote the Fur Elise, anyway. I mean it was obviously that guy but TAKE A BOW, SO CRATES.
Who's France, now. Napoleon, CharleRIGHT
God has answered your prayers in the form of rock morons from 500 years in the future.
They need more space in that box, it's looking fucking cramped.
HAHAHAHAHAHA OHHH FUCK NO WHAT
Ohhhh ohoh okay so look IT HURTS TO LAUGH ohhhh crap all I'm saying aloud is variations on ohhh fuckity fuck because DO YOU WANT A TWIKIE GENSGHIS KHAN??
Alright, lime creamsicle retrieved, laughter subsided. I think we're ready to go back.
They just candygrammed the most famous US president. Second most famous maybe
Exceeded max occupancy, dumbasses. Also broken umbrella thingy
That's french for FUCK YOU, IT'S NAPOLEON'S TURN and he bowls using HISEMFL.
This could be problematic. Napoleon's lost and they're in buttfuck nowhere, timeline wise
GOODS CIXING SKILLS, BILL
a wad of chewing gum.
THE MACE HIT, THAT'S HOW seriously you guys need a bigger box.
Ah now I get to know this part :D
RIGHT BECAUSE IT HELPED LAST TIME. THIS TIME. Time travel, I swear
Dave Beefoven. Maxime of Ark. Herman the Kid. Bob Ghengis Khan. So Crates Johnson. Dennis Fern.
and Abraham Lincoln. VERY SUBTLE.
Uses for famous historical figures, there are just so many. Also that's a dick notion, Missy.
WHY ARE THEY NOT AT SCHOOL
They lost Napoleon. That's worriesome.
Look for signs of conquest and empire. That should help.
OF COURSE THERE'S A PLACE CALLED WATERLOO. BECAUSE THAT'S NOT SILLY A T ALL
And so fell the Napoleonic Empire. Right down the drain
God water slides are the best
He really is a dick though
HE's just telling kids to let him go ahead?
Annd now the rest of history has vanished. Joan of Arc is learning women's fitness.
BEETHOVEN WAS DEAF. AN ELECTRONIC INSTRUMENT WON'T DO A THING FOR HIM
And of course these two are best friends but come on one's an old man this is awkward
Oh sure, GEEK Socrates understands. Ghengis Khan's armed now WELL HOLY SHIT he's a dab hand with that thing I would select NOT MESS WITH as your policy toward him.
ROCK ON BEETHOVEN
Ohhhh it hurts to clap and laugh
Ghengis Khan must be a McFly ancestor
Oh shut up gymnastics lady, she's miles better than you
How is there a skating rink in a mall
AHHAA would you like a cough to lie on
Oh look, it's Mr. Rectum
This is what an F looks like.
Of course your dad arrested them all, he's a rectum.
Boys, it's jailbreak time
HAHAHAHAHAHAA YESSSSSSSS OF COURSE
IT WORKED. Just by deciding to do it. HAHA he was right all along. He's still a complete rectum though
Master Hide checks, boys. Just masterful
They're literally manipulating the future now. Just by deciding it. I don't know HOW, I wouldn't think they had the brain capacity to do that, but whatever floats your boat, I suppose
That was nice of us.
AHAHAHAH he's literally performing summonings now. How would it have even fallen on his dad
Look at them go.
Man no don't shoot guns in school
Most tranquil. Like that one
They know a good deal about Socrates, ultimately
WHOA indeed. Way to blankface it, guy.
HAHAHA I'll bet he does have a minor that complex I can't spell it but I know what it is
GHENGIS VERY MUCH ENJOYS TWINKIES
Look I tell you what those kids would still be like get me the fuck out of here after all that
A MOST EXCELLENT ADVENTURE INDEED.
I have just witnessed Abraham Lincoln declaring "party on, dudes." I don't know if life is now complete, but oh boy is it done being surprising
LOT of lighters for a high school crowd.
Hope you two remembered to go do all that stuff after the fact
AND it's excellent for dancing. Delightful.
I feel like they hired a serious actor to play comic Obi-Wan to these two morons.
"They do get better" WELL I DAMN SURE HOPE SO.
Okay, that was both tremendously stupid and a lot of fun. Time to move on to something most tranquil. It will be excellent. Oh god what is even my brain now