Once more into the breach! Hmm. Wait is it unto the breach? It's not onto the breach, that wouldn't make sense. Does unto make sense. I don't think it does either. Do unto breaches as you would ehhhh what does unto mean anyway bah screw this IT'S MOVIE TIME.
Today we made these amazing pizza twists that you can dip using Pillsbury something or other. Still prefer real pizza but as a fun shareable snack... no, screw that too I still prefer real pizza but I have to admit these are pretty awesome. Also Roomie wanted to try out his new tartine, which is this Mexican kind of pot thing shaped like a cone that you make stew with, so we had tartine and it was crazy good. Wish I could cook like that. Anyway, Roomie's sitting this one out so it's just me and the pixie.
This makes three in a row I have no idea what they are based on the title. I assume Bambi is a character, sounds like a girl's name, so... a girl does stuff. Probably she doesn't get exiled by her stepmother and take over the house of a bunch of gnomes. Probably not that. I feel like I've heard of this one before, cause the name sounds really familiar. I've got nothing, though. So off we go.
Well, this is a fairly sterile intro
leaves on dullllll backgrounds and fancy writing
and wow, this song is a hell of a miss
It's like a bad pastiche of the best songs of the first two
To Sidney A. Franklin, eh?
Ah, we're in
the woods, that is
placid enough tune for the woods but oh for flip's sakes choir SHUT UP
this is moving so sloooooowly
this is what I have been reduced to already, commenting on bird sound
ENOUGH WITH THE WOODS
this whole movie is just nothing but the ending of Fantasia, isn't it
you're all punishing me with OWL
THREE MINUTES it took for something to be animated. and it's a tired owl.
and a tired squirrel
HOO... HOO... HOO GIVES A RATS ASS about this pale imitation of the Pastoral angry birds!!!
AHAHA yesss third bird is a clever devil
Allo rabbit. Are you Bambi
The animation has tightened a LOT OF RABBITS QUAAAAAAAAAAAAAILS
quails are just the funniest goddamn thing
kid, you're a little shit
THE NEW PRINCE IS BORN
new Prince is probably Bambi. Looks like I got the
Owl, your eyes are all kinds of messed up QUAIL
so is that the queen then?
HOOHOO. I'm terrifying.
Ass first, that's the way to not do it
"I'm just gonna get all up in your personal space here and make fun of you"
"...well he is" hahaha you little shit disturber
yeah, failing to stand is tiring work
heee the little tail going
HEY LITTLE BIRDS: FUCK. OFF.
Man the Prince is gonna eat you whole, Thumper
No he looks totally unconvinced about the name. Thumper and Bambi. Main characters found
That must be The King
I do like this cheeky oboe leitmotif
he walks like a drunken four-legged spider and it's allllmost creepy
the quail trail makes me unduly happy
playing possum, are we?
this may be the laziest script ever
Wa y to fail again, spindlefeet
What's the point of being queen if you can't tell Thumper to shut it up
ASS SUCCESSFULLY ENGAGED
yeah that's gonna stump you
does Bambi talk or is he like Dumbo
mind you Dumbo had an excuse, it's right there in his name
YOU DON'T SAY. THAT is why they call you Thumper? I thought it was a traditional family name
sure, easy for you to say hop over it, you're rabbits
this will suck
mission not accomplished OH COME OM how did you fail that
"man don't sit on me. s'rude"
Everything's adorable and I'm basically working hard to not say that
HEHEHE FIRST WORDS
AHAHAHA WITH THE NOSE
goddamn you people are tryin to kill me with cute
"come on, say bird, say bird..."
and then he destroyed them all by saying Power Word: Bird
he still moves like a deranged leprechaun on crack
Nouns are an issue for you, aren' they
HEY LOOK. I FOUND A no that's a skunk. What is this, the first day with your new brain oh wait
lady skunk is cute
check it out, Gozer's here
well don't just friggin leave the Prince alone with oh. That was easy.
Seriously the animation has jumped up so much. The lines are so fine and the color palette is so much more well-developed
the role of music in this makes it feel a LOT like Fantasia
Little April shower, eh? this QUAAAAAAAIL
this is I think the first instance of music that isn't didactic in any of the Disney movies that I've watched
well not quite diegetic but clsoe, what I mean is it's not being sung by the characters
thre must be a word for it. Diegetic is really really close but not right
I will not miss this choir when it shuts up
though I have to admit the wind does sometimes sound eerily like that
oh don't bother yourselves it's just Zeus torturing Bacchus
seriously it's like they cut a sung-through segment from Fantasia. The water on the leaves especially
Yes, ell us, what IS the meadow
"HaHA! I know genius things! We are NOT the only deer in the forest!"
Bambi learn to read social cues
out there, there are LIONS
probably a couple of BEARS
ah crap his mom's gonna die
or get turned into a donkey or something horrible Disney movies are not for kids sometimes
the music is not encouraging my STRESS. Just saying
COLD COLD COLD
yeah fuck you too, deer
Again with the lazy script. Wait they're eating what?
"The crap do you want, maaaaan"
AHAAHAHAA "but it sure is awful stuff to eat"
the ears remind me of a terrier
oh good job you cloned your reflection
LOVE INTEREST FOUND
either that or it's a lion with a hell of a Disguise check
"Mom, save me from cute girls"
you're getting trash-talked. You gonna take that? You're aprince
"fuck that noise, mom"
this is not rocket science Bambi YES GIRLS DO ACT THAT WAY SOMETIMES Lacy is over here giggling like a little shit
Selene I've gont NO TIME FOR YOUR SHIT
meanwhile her mom's all "why am I the couch in this scenario"
JUMP CHECK, BITCH
Again with the Fantasia mimicry
these must be the dukes or nobles or earls or counts or WELL HOLY CRAP
try not to get donked, Bambi, it strikes me as dangehey look it's The King
regal enough music. Guy's hella dark and stately.
I live how his rack evokes a crown
well that was a warm reception for your son. I am right, aren't I?
wait all he has going for him is SENIORITY?
so who's the KING then?
well I suppose the lion is king of beasts. but then the lion's son should be Prince. No, no this makes no sense, I dispute all of this staring pointlessly into the woods
ah fuck he POSED MAGNIFICENTLY. We're all doomed,
Oh no here comes STRESS
NOPE. HERE IS THE STREESS
father. close enough
STRESS IS GUNSHOTS
oh wow, I thought for sure we were going to lose a parent or two there
the villain is MAN? that's... pretty solid actually, considering
the score is doing some really... different things here. Reminds me a lot of other films of the 40s. Same styles.
Also we've only had two songs. Dramatic leaves
Two is weirdly low for these films I HAVE FOUND WINTER
"It's cocaine, son. Go see how it smells."
I'M AN ARTIST WITH MY FEET BEHOLD MY GENIUS
how is his character design so cute I condemn you all for letting this happen to me
SNOW DEMONS ARE ATTACKING MY ROYAL HINDNESS
get it? hind?
whee Thumper's here to goof off again
this cannot end welllllllllllll then
shades of Dumbo and Pinocchio in Bambi right there. Naive, agreeable
"Nope. I call bullshit. You are employing dark sorcery to stand upon this profane glass"
oh nice going Thumper. You tied up the Prince.
way to go, Thumper. you're doing to yourself what everyone else has always wanted to
"I AM THE WORST ALARM CLOCK EVER. KNEEL TO ME"
"Not anymore, assholes" (hibernatin' ?)
STOP EVERYTHING BEING CUTE. DESIST I SAY
MY GRASS THIS IS MINE
oh what the crap noooo why is the music and sinister STRESS STRESS NO
NOPE STRESS IS ALL AROUND SU
oh that just happened didn't it
"we" is a... flexible term right now, bud
I just don't have anyting
man way to sneak up on a guy, great Prince
he's all kinds of grim right there
wait did Bambi even KNOW about that before just then?
THE FUCK LET'S NOT SING A GAY LITTLE SPRING SONG THANK YOU
learn about the mood you bastards
everyone's married now. Except the great Prince. for reasons seriously why is this song so fecklessly giddy I'm with you owl
Owl has NO TIME FOR YOUR SHIT
and out comes the psycho face
pin feathers, eh?
nope, DEERQUAKE hold the phislostophers that's Bambi
when the heck did he old up
not a very impressive pair
how did you get a MORE annoying voice WAIT WHAT THE FKSWLM THAT'S A GUY?
also the other two look no different
"Owl's got Owlsheimer's, he's making up stupid words"
Owl, stop defying physics. S'rude
So basically he just convinced them there's a plague of decapitating flu going around that's transmitted by looking at pretty girls? Way to flunk as a mentor, "Friend" Owl
you know I was gonna ask how they'd do a prettier skunk than Flower but somehow they did
WELL THEN. One down, two to go
"Uh oh, I think Flower's head is going to fall off soon. Ah crap"
Oops, you're next Thumper
FREEZEINPLACE annnnd oh come on has any man ever been seduced by "la, la la la"
my kind are dumbasses. Yes, yes one probably has.
One thousand. -__-
"but... but I like my head"
okay the foot is DEFINITELY a metaphor for something else, if you know what I mean
"she's playing him like a lute. he's gone too"
ah frack you cloned your reflection again
"NOOO my head will fall off"
yeah, I bet she remembers that pose, Clumsi
seriously? Man you guys are easy
oops, she cast you into the ethereal plane. Don't be doing that Selene, s'rude
BONJOUR. I AM OW YOU ZAY... YOUR RIVAL
I SOUND LIKE ZE CELLO, NO?
Round 1 goes to Cello Stag
Round 2 goes to I'm not sure, stupid silhouettes
Round 3 goes to Bambi because of course it does
Oh we have another song being kicked in by the Greek chorus
I bring you a song... hm, it's a different melodic structure than its predecessors, bt the fact that I can write this much about it suggests just how much it's still not really engaging. I think it's just symptomatic of the trend in 40s-era movie music to use this dense, soprano-heavy choir
leaves again. Sorry, Fantasia auditions are closed.
"Trumpet? What the heck?"
seriously, what's he goning out for SMOKE wll then Man is back
sorry Dad, hot girl to check in on, you know how it is
oh don't do the thing STRESS IS COMING BACK
WHY DID YOU RUN IN THE WRTONG DIRECTION
STRESS IS HERE and the music's not even that intense
they look like quail
DON'T KILL MY QUAIL
IT'S ALL STRESS NOW
WHY IS MAN INVISIBLE
WHO UTHROIZED THIS
I AM NOT ON BAORD WITH THIS
her eyes changed color WELL MAN HAS HELL HOUNDS THATS NEW
way is with te crazy look in their eyes
typical fighter, not great against crowd. Great Cleave, Bambi. Pick it next time
oh you did not
nope you do not shoo my protagonist.
oh nice going Man, way to destroy
like just in case you failed to catch something, you'll kill it anyway
"Oh well if I muuust"
annd hell rain approaches
it cours to me that what the Great PRince is Great at is Running The Hell Away
I'm hearing Indiana Jones in my head
think we can safely call that one a conflagration
Grt ready to be woke up Owl
hahahha Thumper's got four minithumpers
he named his son Bambi?
new Prince coming, right?
hee the molebabies
hey there are TWO
I see his dad still outranks him in the rack department
Hmm. Well, alright then. That's five done.