So let me tell you a little story about two people I know, let's call them Loomie and Racy. Makes them sound like an ominous vampire giraffe and a scandalous 60s pinup, but I'd bet at least one of them would enjoy their comparison and it might not be the one you'd think. Anyway.
Loomie and Racy proposed that we'd do this activity and that we would do it in a sort of logical order based on, let's say, a preexisting sequential array. Then they started arguing about skipping some steps. And then somehow mysteriously steps 7 through 11 were "loaned" (you two are so full of crap I swear) "loooooaned" to some faraway personage. But we're already here, the giraffe and the cheesecake poster said plaintively, why don't we just come back to those later?
Well fine. I'll bow to your little schemes this time but I will be back for the rest of those movies. Irritable glare.
Anyway, that's why we're on Cinderella, which hey, a story I know! I kind of feel like Frick and Frack over here skipped over some movies with more unique stories to rush me to one that I'd know already, which really... wasn't necessary. Shouldn't be doing that kind of thing on my account. Anyway.
Am I overdoing it with the running gags? It's largely reflextive at this point (I can't see a thunderstorm anymore without at least going 'GOZER' in my brain) but if it's bothering people I think I can probably work on toning it down. Let me know in comments, as usual. I like comments, they make me happy. :D
So, today's movie is a charming tale of child abuse and how free stuff from strangers will cause you to end up with a man you barely know late at night and far from home about to lose everything. They weren't called the Brothers Grimm for nothing, you know. Actually, was this the Brothers Grimm? I feel like it's not their style, it lacks a certain amount of witchery. Of the evil variety, anyway. I'll say it was them for now. Anyhoo. On to the out-of-order movie, which I think is #12 if they're not lying to me.
RKO RADIO PICTURES is back
so is that choir I see a carriage
okay see this song right here? I have an instant hate for this song
"Cindrella, if you give your heart a chance it will lead you to the kingdom of romance"
not even kidding those are the words someone please tiellm me this was not a popular song
"the sweetest story ever told" my ass
they liked doing this didn' tthey
with the book
Once upon a time
Rich in romance AND tradition. Double threat!
Wait he named her Cinderella? Rude of him
Aww she's cute and THEY are sinister
yeah you poick your nose kid, nobody's watching you
yeah, dead serious, paused right here
I'm looking at Stepmother and I just can't believe how much like... fuck, I don't even want to watch this now because I want to go see when they got so goddamn good at this
Like, I skipped, what, yes I counted on my fingers don't judge me five movies. Five movies worth of them getting better at their craft and did you SEE that lady? Detailed, expressive facial features, the most icy bitchface in the world, clear lines... I don't even know where to go with this now but I guess we'll finish up. Damn though.
So they fell into poverty and made her a slave. The usual.
Someday her prince will come, eh?
okay that bird totally just said "Cinderella" in bird speak
I'm telling you the bird totally said "Cinderella, WAKE UP"
hehehe the hand
hhhhhhhhhholy goddamn she's
A deam is a wish your heart yeah we're just gonna settle in for this one
hehe soporific mice
FEATHER BED HAHAHAHA
I am immediately charmed by her singing voice
"fuck you, mechanical object"
hehe and now she's just scat-singing while druidbarding her room into order :D
annnd stripping why did she sound underwater there?
ahahaha the mice singing voices it's like halflings on helium
The animation is just so much better it's unreal
HE, HE, HE!
so we've got talking mice, two of them. I'ma call you C-3PO and R2D2
annnnd a nudist
Gus dumped Int. Don't even know how
the backgrounds seem less detailed, but the work they're doing is swell regardless
allo dreadful-leitmotif cat
"look into my eyes, woman. Do you see anything but hate?"
Cat's name is Lucifer. That'll end well.
"so it's like a big moving backside?" yeah, Octavius my friend, I feel you're not long for this world
how's it going, night-mare-having dog
wait what happened to R2D2
"nothing doing, blondie"
aahahaha pridecat is about to deflate
there we go
ahaha the characters Lucifer you're not a cat you're a weasel
CONGRATULATIONS you're a dead man. mouse
got that whole Roman emperor thing going on, Lucifer does. One drop at a time, like grapes
HEY CAT FUCK YOU AND OFF WE GO
biut shortsighted of you not to notice the whole "you left a demon in our path" thing
rooster's got NO TIME FOR YOUR SHIT
Gus, I feel like you're about to do something all kinds of stupid
HATS I WILL KILL HATS
why did I know
FATS I WILL KILL FATS
wow even the whisker didn't take WHY ARE YOU SO DUMB GUS
okay those eyes popping up like that was all kinds of sinister
wow that would be a grating voice
I feel like I've seen that mafic trick
"oh no you did not take my mouse"
what is she serving them anyway, looks like tea with butter soup or something
"no seriously where ismy mouse"
stepsister 1: Drezilla, A Bitch
stepsister 2: Anastasia, A Notherbitch. Less of one than the first one
you two are horsefaced and no two way about it
who's who though
who cares, I suppose
GUS INVEST POINTS IN YOUR INT SCORE
Are YOU gonna get it!
What can they realistically do to ominous giant room
super ominous shadow realm wwwwwwwwwwwwow that is a sneer of pure ice
I dread every ounce of this woman why
I don't even understand why
Like she's just doling out pointless orders why do I feel cold nad paralyzed
I found a castle
and abroken windw
I AAAAAAAAAM PANTIENT
guy, invest in some more conservative-scale portraits
So the king wants grandkids LET HIM ALONE????
I agree with the King, getting Plato out of the way does tend to hel and he is swimming on a table
LAW OF LARGE NUMBERS, my silly-moustached friend
seriously look at henchroyal's ahahahahaa helmet but seriously his wacky moustache
would the monocole even help at that point
I'm in complete agreement with Luficer here, get an actual sweet nightinggale to sing this would you
acceptable supstitute gound
again they keep trying new things like these multiple reflections in colors and it's magnificent
simple character design oh you rectum
hehe I love the mousehole there
the king urgently requests that you shut that bashee up AHHAAA the flute
TEMPER on that woman
you are indeed so eligible to get chucked in a swamp
oh I do not like that look that is full of calculation.
"I said IF." seriously she gives me the chills
she's seriously going to do all those chores and get a dress done inside, what, half a day?
is it just me or SONG!
was that shout correcting the mice that it's not RELLIE, it's RELLA
hehehehe mouse captainess
We can do it!
annnnd we'v egot the birds in on it too
hehe I have to say this is a clever and fun substitute for the fairy magic from the story
it was a fairy, right?
CINDERELLA, GIVE ME PLASTIC SURGERY
I think we just found some sash and beads
In coming doom cat yep
"I dreamed a scarf was running away from me"
"This is highly unusal behavior for hosiery
AHAHAHA SQUARE FACE
you know what Gus reminds me of? That rat lizard monkey thing from Jabba's palace.
"Wait how the hell did you even get past me"
haha yesss how will you choose okay well you win this round Lucifer
I feel like we're not getting those beads
oh way to pick the most dangerous spot, C-3P0
hey look who was right SPRINGBOARD
Lucifer getting humiliated is a treat look how ell they did that measuring tape DO NOT CUT MY TAIL, MORONS
this is so imaginative I love it
wait, but don't we need fairy magic still? for shoes?
EIGHT O CLOCK, TIME FOR BALLS
that is one substantial palace gate
The cold manipulation is just all kinds of sinister. That is one glowy palace though
I see a HEY LOOK, A DRESS
AHAHAHA HAPPY BIRTHDAY
watch it not fit
THE HELL IS UP WITH THAT BOOTY
IT JUST NOT EVEN WITH SENSE
annnnd she shut them up
oh god no what's she goin to do
what is with those insane butts
that woman and her offspring are wretched beyond measure
she has no power why does she chill me it is immeasurably not right
fairy magic we could use some of right now I SEE SPARKLES
HOLY SMOKES ITS MY GRANDMOTHER
I mean she doesn't sound a thing like her but wow the hair and the face shape she looks a LOT like my grandmoter
more absentmined though annnnd she just pulls it out of the air
yes, every girl needs a pumpkin
SONG COMING ON
annnnd it's another Disney nonsense-words song
this one is particularly nonsense
demon pumpkin assaults local wildlife, news at 11
the horse has a point, he was RIGHT THERE
oh Lucifer you're in for it
"OH FUCK ME RUN AWAY"
heheh well the horse coachman seems pleased
poor Cinderella's like STOP IGNORING ME
AHAHAHA "I wasn't going to thank you"
it's weird seeing animated Nan
the nose is wrong though, the eyes too
THAT IS A GOWN
"on the stroke of twelve the spell will be broken" raise your caster level, lady
I mean, she looks all kinds of splendid. Still with the side poof things that look like chicken cutlets and I don't understand it
that's some Princess. This is a general's daughter.
Maybe the boy's gay, what do you know anyway? He sure looks bored as all hell
"Sire, maybe don't go telling them you invited them here for breeding..."
those guards are all like "stoic version of DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN"
annnnnnnd meanwhile ohhh I feel ya Prince that is just yeah what the King said
hehe yo-yo monocle
AHAHAHHA THE NARRATION
oh god they're so hideous
is there seriously only one man down there
oh you're about to get all kinds of TOLD
YOU POMPUS WINDBAG INDEED
annnd we came this close to Cinderella dancing with the King, if you know what I mean
did he just CLINK?
ahhh the monocle
obsessed about grandkids much, Your Majesty?
oh no don't you go doing things
the animating here is enchanting, the lights and the facial details... this is a very lazy kind of love song like they had in all the movies of that time that had songs. But this seems particularly lazy with the humming
The use of white in this movie just pops
"I left the toaster oven running"
WORST EXCUSE EVER "I haven't met the Prince!"
she's awfully polite
Sinorita? Making a lot of logical leaps there bud
WHAT THE FUCK WHY ARE THERE DOOM RIDERS
well that's a good way to avoid the black cavalry of midnight doom
I agree, the Prince himself could NOT have been more... whatever
hey, free shoe!
There's something splendid about her ability to not fall to pieces when the night ends
Just "thanks for letting it happen at all"
AHAHAHAA hE WAS PRACTICICNG
that is one preposterous bed I kind of want one
"I'm a horse! My ambitions are fulfilled!"
Oh this won't be any good and I am so on board with all of what's about to happen ALL THE CIGARS
that is the most clumsy lighter ever I would STRONGLY recommend disarming
she got away, peculiar title buAHAHAHAHHAA YESSSSSSSS
man he's gonna cut your dick in half
AHAHAHAHA I LOVE HOW BEING IN LEAGUE WITH THE PRINCE IS TREASON
and now they're trampoliting this is fantastic
...and now they're hanging on a chandelier AND NOW THEY ARE NOT WHAT THE f?WAS THAT NOISE
AHAHAHa "that's HIS problem"
I hope for the Prince's sake that it's a size 8 4/13ths or something
are they in France? That's a fleur de lis
aha, the grand Duke! Now we have a name for him
"the Duke is?"
SHUT UP GUS
she looks so scary intense with her schemes
oh no no no get that look off your face
ohhhhh oh the darkness and the hate in those eyes oh she knoooooowoowws STRESS
I mean I know there will be a happy ending but still
I'm basically just clinging to that because chills and STRESS
CHILLS AND STRESS
OH YOU SINISTER FROZEN HAG
yyyyyyyyeah don't break that thing, Duke.
I don't know what you two think you're gonna do, I've sene your feet
Don't fail YOU? What do YOU have to do with it
I'm right there with you, Duke. Need an anti-monocle for those two
way to overact
SHUT UP GUS
her dead-eyed stare lacks anything but pure ice and spite
I like hiw they highlight hwere the key is
that hand is missing some talons
"or if need be IMPLORE..."
AHAHA the belly indent
oh please that's like a quarter of your ooHOLY CRAP IT IS TOO
uh oh, Lucifer's going to be coming for them, isn't he
annnd you're just going to kick him in the face until he submits
there's no way they make it up that many in time
but how was I wrong about Luficer, seriously
OH YOU FAT WEASELLY BASTARD
THIS MEANS WAR
AHAHAHA the forks did NOT work as intended
his vendetta is entirely on Gus, isn't he
"So Bruno, remember everything she said about how you should behave? Forget like... ALL of that shit"
you'll make it fit, eh? BOIOIOIONNGNNGNGG
why did he not just up and leavfe right then?
Cat, I have NO TIME FOR YOUR SHIT
whoa they actually threw him out the window, didn't see that coming
Oh you frigid malevolent NICE LEGS, LET'S DO THIS says the Duke
SERIOUSLY? You are a complete and utter viper oh thre's that look from the beginning
AAAAAAHAHAHAHHAHAH FUCK YOU, STEPMOTHER
hehehehe beet red king
get some velcro, Cinderella
hehehehe mice in royal duds
Happily ever after :D